So this is the New Year...

And I feel completely different. I live in a princess apartment with my best friend and her brother, who is also my good friend. It's clean and brand new and beautiful. And the three of us are considerate so no one is a complete asshole to other people. I feel like my stress level will decrease dramtically this year. No staying up until 5am fighting to get my roommates to be quiet when I have to work or go to school at 8am, no beer on the floor and people yelling "dance on it!" I'm so unbelievably excited about being here.The best thing about living like a princess is that I found my Prince Charming. Well, I found him a long time ago, but it took us a little while to stop being idiots and actually commit. But now that we have, I'm on Cloud Nine. I always think that when you start liking a new person, you downplay all the feelings you've had in previous relationships, because in each case, you think you've never felt that strongly about anyone before. I know that I have been in love a
nd felt amazing before. But this is different, I went back and read my old journals to make sure. It almost hurts how much I am in love with him. Anytime we are apart, it feels like a piece of me is missing. But it isn't the same as in previous relationships. I've always been a pretty jealous girlfriend. I hated being apart because I hated to think about who they were with or scared they were having a better time without me. Now, I hate being apart just because I know we both want to be together. So basically, I have very high hopes for 2010. I think I'm growing up.

Dear Alcohol,

It's hard for me to say this, but I think we need to go on a break. We've had such an amazing time together lately and I'll always love you, but I can't be tied down right now. It's not you, it's me. I've just been neglecting other important things in my life, like school and sleep, and I think it's time I pay some attention to them too. We can still hang out as friends though, and I'll always be here for you on really bad days, but I can't be in a serious relationship right now. I'm very sorry.Love, Jeska

Monotony

I'm getting tired of routine.
Especially considering it's summertime and the only thing that should be constant is having fun.
Work is enjoyable and it's the only time where I really enjoy having a routine because it makes the day go by smoother, although a variation in our day would be nice.
But outside of work, routine is getting old.
The same people, the same drinks, the same drama.
All the time. And I can tell it's getting to everyone, not just me.
May and June were the most ridiculous months of my life. And they were a blast.
But July was different, because it was exactly the same.
And every time I tried to break out of the ordinary, to go out with new people, or have an adventure or two, it just made it even harder to come back and do the same things again.
Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and my life, but we are in a funk right now.
I need something else. I'm not sure what though.

Creepy, I want more.

I was first introduced to Cage a few weeks ago when the video for "I Never Knew You" came on the tv in the background at a party I was at. Something in me connected to it. In the following days I don't know how many times I listened to that song. The combination of Cage's voice, the beat and the lyrics just made me feel. I could never even pinpoint the emotion, I just know that it was something deeper than my everyday contentment. I began talking to friends that are Cage fans and listening to more of his music and learning more about him. Last Friday a few of us went to see him at the Marquis. I stood in the front row and watched Cage spill his life story as art. I knew the stories about his heroin addict father, his abusive step-father, and his time in Stoney Lodge, but I never expected to feel the stories as much as I did on Friday. Something inside of me awoke during that hour and a half set, I came home and couldn't even compose a sentence to Paige. I just rode my bike around my neighborhood and let myself think and feel.
In case you don't already know, I've never been one to talk about feelings with other people. It's hard enough for me to even acknowledge to myself when I feel something, anything. Even at a young age, I was the one other people came to to fix their problems, I never had time to have my own issues. I never had a problem with this, but it obviously took a toll on me. During high school the emotions that I had bottled up for years started to leak out, creating a variety of unpleasant events in my life. I promised friends, family, and my therapist that I'd get better at sharing my real feelings. I'm sure I tried for a little while.
However I can say with certainty that the past few weeks are the first time in years that I've really let myself think about my emotions. Listening to Cage and letting myself open up and allowing myself to feel whatever emotions are running through me is actually kind of refreshing, while being unsettling at the same time.
This post isn't really expressing what I want it to, I just had to write something. I haven't blogged in so long, I just wanted to type. But the chance that someone might read this makes me unable to share certain thoughts that are bouncing around my brain right now. I can't help it.


Did you know that I am dangerously attracted to people with severe issues?

I had a birthday...

And it was spectacular. I was actually dreading by 21st birthday, not being 21, just the day itself. I don't know what it is about birthdays, but mine always stresses me out. Maybe the fact that I've had a few disapointing birthdays, or the fact that I always feel the need to please others so I feel pressure to be really happy on my birthday. I'm not entirely sure.But I do know one thing, this birthday ended up being amazing, better than I ever could have anticipated.Although I didn't get to see all of my friends, I did have a wonderful time with those who I did spend time with. The day and evenings that we spent celebrating my birthday made me realize how blessed I am. I know some of the most incredible people on this planet and I love each and everyone of them. So thank you, friends. Let's enjoy this summer and live each day to the fullest. We've got a good thing going on here.

Sunday Nights

This is usually the point in the week where I should be finishing all my homework that is due on Monday, like that 10 page paper I need to finish, or all those math problems I need to turn in.
So naturally, I am avoiding anything school related at all costs.
It an attempt to waste even more time, I decided I would share a plethora of my favorite time-killing site. (And a lot too. Only Rachel, Matt, Chandler and Tim get that joke, oh well.)

1. Texts From Last Night: My new personal favorite. Maybe because I can only imagine how many text messages I've sent that should appear on this site.

2. Sexy People: I wish my parents spent money on family portraits.

3. This is Photobomb: Go back a few pages and find the Hilary Clinton picture. I think it's my favorite photograph ever?

4. FMy Life: I laugh at other people's misfortune.

5. Fail Blog: A classic

6. A Softer World: I think some of these are really pretty, others are funny, and a few I don't really understand.

7. Post Secret: Occasionally I like these, sometimes I don't.

8. Surf The Channel: The ultimate time waster. So many choices!

Alright now go out there and be unproductive like me!


I just remembered this one after browsing FailBlog.
Engrish This one is for Rachel.

And I just found this.
WTF Pictures There are some treasures on here.
Okay I need to go to bed.

Ready for a change

I'm an impulsive person. As much as I overanalyze every little detail of my life, I have a tendency to make really big decisions on a whim. For instance, every tattoo I have, piercing my septum, going to school in Seattle, changing my major to Communications, moving in with Brian Early. I've never regretted any of this decisions, well at least not yet. As you may know, some of these have worked out better than others. Apart from being impulsive, I also change my mind quite a bit. These traits combined are making college an especially lengthy and expensive venture. If I had done the logical thing, I would have gone to CU Boulder straight from high school and I would be almost done with a math major and would have significantly less student loans to pay off. But where's the fun in that? Instead I paid two and a half years of out of state tuition, changed my mind about my major, experimented with classes from all sorts of random departments, got tired of rain and transferred. Now I am being forced to take bundles of different gen ed classes and toying with the idea of changing my major again. Most recently, the goal has been a Comm major, math minor, and then an elementary education teaching certificate. I've been contemplating switching to just a math education major, but I haven't been able to commit to that. I think that the Comm major has a negative connotation as being a slacker degree, and I'm gonna agree that it is easier than math, but I genuinely enjoy it. I love people and I've always been relatively good at talking, so I feel like Communications is fitting. I've rambled so much in this post, here is what I've been trying to say all along. Yesterday, I was browsing the Save the Children website. I clicked on the link for careers and noticed the ones filed under Communications and PR and I realized, I would love to work for someone like that. Yesterday was TOMS One Day Without Shoes so I had their company in mind as well. I've always just wanted to help people and there are so many organizations that I feel are really making a difference out there. I want to be a part of it. As far as school goes, I'm sticking with the Comm major and I'm going to start taking Spanish again. Check back in 6 months to see what my plan is by then.